What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
operation have a gay friend backfired
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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