I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize