I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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