I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
