he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
