weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
