Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
