I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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