I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
