nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
