Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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