im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
