I got chris browned last night
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
