i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
