i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So apparently I’m into choking now
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
