Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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