I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize