Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
