I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
