he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize