if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
