I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
