i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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