all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
