mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
