He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
