i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
