My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
