question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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