if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
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