Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My dick has a subreddit
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
