Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize