can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
