It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
