Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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