why didn't you poke me back
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
