I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
