It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
