Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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