It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
