maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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