Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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