I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
