It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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