I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
