Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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