we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
