yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
