so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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