The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize