The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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