1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
