I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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