Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
