Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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