I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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