my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
