my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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