im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize