If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
