I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
