Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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