So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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