We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
