p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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