I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
