Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
