So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
