does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
