Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
