So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
