So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
