Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
