she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
