were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
