I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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