Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
