update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
