Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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